Recently I came across a term probably familiar to all known as “Revenge Porn”, which claims – “revealing or sexually explicit images or videos of a person posted on the Internet, typically by a former sexual partner, without the consent of the subject and in order to cause them distress or embarrassment.” as defined by google. An incident which triggered me for insights in such scenarios, of how much a person can share or not share with the opposite side regardless of the closeness of a relationship.
It is quite common that one starts to share intimate texts, pictures, etc. with the other once they move up from ground zero of a relationship. But have we ever stopped to think the pros and cons of such actions. It has moved from taboo to being a not a big deal in this present age. But human beings and their behavior does change and alter weighing consecutively with their ego, pride and social norms. I am not a psychologist or a behavioral scientist. I am just a columnist drawn towards the centre of this term. My post however will be drawing light towards such cases. How one gets caught up in it in the first place and how to deal with these kinds of situation and some personal insights.
But first why does this particular incident occur? Is it because you tried to share more than what you should have? or Is it because the other party is emotionally affected by your actions that they are trying to take control by making you emotionally drain too?
Let’s just talk about how much one can choose to share with another:
Two people trying to move forward in a relationship tend to open up to get closer and more intimate with each other. It’s a common psychological thing that they try to get comfy, starting to slowly trust each other, small inhibitions gets broken up into trustworthy and gullible episodes. Although they don’t make any prenups on what if we don’t make it till the end. They still do not promise any future together. Yet under all such subconscious thoughts they still have the need to be together. The moments made together. This is where it gets complicated when each become intimately connected. Remember all this is happening virtually before one gets caught up in real life. The virtual world seems so strong and surreal that one gets lost entwining them inside this web. Exchanging texts leads to sext, etc. finding themselves towards undeniable need for more. Hence you give in more, be it videos or images or whichever possible way one wants it to be. Now remember it’s mutual and one still has a choice to stop or continue on their own.
After all the fun is over, one recedes and one is still hanging on to the possibility of more. Which by the rules none is obligated to stay for more game. Now as far as theory goes you cannot force someone to be in a ship that has already sailed. It’s better to move on. Yet some people are so affected by these sudden changes that they fail to cope up or move forward. Rejection leads to Retaliation, Revengeful Rage leaving you so wronged and wanting to get back at them. Hence the blackmail or harassment where one demands regret or a vengeful lust to destroy the other person. Revenge Porn.
Is it right? to go after the other person no matter how wronged you feel, hurt beyond repair. Still does not give you the right to go back to use the past to destroy them. Cause they made a choice to leave, you can’t just force them to be with you through blackmail and revenge porn.
Two things to pick up here:
1. Limit yourself in the virtual reality. Stop getting carried away and learn to have self control. There is a limit in sharing videos, texts and images. It’s not safe out there for any gender for that matter, we can’t just cry out for women although women are the most affected by these kinds of incidents. Try to excuse yourself from evidence or anything that can go on record. Learn to say NO. Whenever you think it’s going on record shy away from it. Be safe. Be more cautious and vigilant esp when it involves nudity, sex and you.
2. Kids these days should be taught to respect each other as a human, each other’s choices, opinions, differences, and backgrounds. We need to learn to live and let live under all circumstances above and beyond. Revenge porn is punishable under law you can easily file a complaint and free yourself from blackmail and harassment. Do not feel bad or ashamed to come forward. As much as you would have done wrong you still are protected under law.
Education is not just holding diplomas and wearing graduation hats. It’s learning the good and the bad. Teaching our children about life, everyday problems and finding solutions. Teaching them about mutual respect and consensual relationships. Coping with bad break ups and heart breaks. Heart breaks that will shatter you into a million pieces in someway or the other. Yet one needs to pick up and move on. Destroying someone is not the answer to your pain.
13 Reasons Why, A Netflix series of a teenager facing sexual harassment, bullying and other teenage social issues which leads her to commit suicide leaving back tapes for people responsible for her death. The series is targeting youngsters who can be victims to such emotional drain leading to their psychological ill-health and death. If only she would have been more vocal, if only she would have let others address her pain, If only people around her who care for her would have picked up some clues. Well If Only! is the end to that series highlighting us and educating everyone to be aware of such deadly episode. Our loved ones can actually be victims to one such case while we are yet busy with our own self interests.
Well it’s a disturbing subject to address and not be constantly thinking about. We cannot however always be aware and conscious about every little thing that happens around us. We cannot also always control the things happening around us, to us. Somethings just happen, unknowingly beyond giving us an explanation or a reason to believe. Suddenly you find yourself caught in this huge mess and you could give anything to come out of it and yet in those extreme circumstances of all the times this time.. this particular time** you cannot do anything to come out of it. That’s just how life is! Seems so unfair.. every other Tom Dick and Harry is out loose and yet here you are in this black hole. In times like this just don’t lose hope. Hope and courage is all you’ve got. You are all you’ve got by the end of the day. Some believe in Supernatural others don’t. But remember you are not alone in this. Help and answer is always there for everything. You just need to patiently wait to get there.
Let nobody treat you less than who you are. You are your own boss! Never forget that. You are in control of your life. No one can own you. If someone tries to control you through your weakness, take responsibility for your actions. Get back on that steering wheel of yours rather than hiding underneath your pillow and succumbing to regret. In the end be strong in your weakest moments. You are more Precious to you than anyone else. Take Care.