Life In A Metro


Source :

“God, Its his birthday today!”, saying this
Kitty dashed out of her office!
Not even bothering with the lift,
She mindlessly ran to purchase a gift.
Suddenly she wondered aloud-
“How old is he?”, descended a cloud
Of utter shame and disgrace
Upon her excited and bright face!
But technology, unlike her memory,
Did not even think of ditching Kitty!
Opened her mobile, she,
Her son’s age to see!
“He’s turning 15 this year!!”
She bellowed into the shopkeeper’s ear!
The poor chap, mightily put out
But nonetheless standing stout,
Enquired with a smile most oily,
“Madam what is it that you wish to see?”
“Oh my son is fifteen, my dear sir-“
Hell is other people said once Sartre
He empathized with Sartre suddenly
For, continued to bellow, did Kitty!
“Well, well, well!! What would he like??
Maybe I should buy him a bike??
Or a latest model smartphone maybe???
Or would he rather prefer Playstation 3???”
All this she managed to shout out loud
And by now had amassed quite a crowd!
The poor shopkeeper could only stare!
For she looked him in the eye and to say did dare
“What I want your shop can never have, I bet!!
You see, my son is accustomed to only the very best!!”
The poor man did suffer an apoplexy
But dash off did Kitty, a La belle dame sans mercy!!

Armed with Playstation 3, she daintily did tread
Towards her apartment but soon stopped dead
For what she saw was a stranger bend over her door
A kick to his solar plexus and he was on the floor!!
Dropped from his hand a gift and a bunch of keys
And from his mouth, “Don’t, please!!!”
Suspicious, yet concerned, she
Moved closer to the floored enemy!!
Living up to his reputation, did he
Pull her down a la WWE!!
Wrestling on the ground
Both were found
By the son and the security guy-
And Kitty promptly began to cry!
Said she, “He is here to steal and murder!!!
Please lock him up and make him suffer!!!”
The man too, not to be left behind
Started his defence, quite determined!!
Said he, “Whom do you dare call a thief??
Why did you even attack me, you dry leaf??
You wrinkled up shrunken thing,
If anyone is, YOU are the assassin-
You who tried to kill me at MY own door
And wrestled me on the floor!!
Tell me frankly who the hell you are
Otherwise you’ll be behind bars under an hour!!!”
Kitty almost took his words to be true
His superb acting had so fooled her, too!!!
Said she, “I’m the owner of this apartment
And I haven’t even given it out on rent!!
So how can you, this house as yours claim???
You are the thief, I hereby rightly proclaim!!!”
Seeing signs of another brawl brewing
The security stepped in, betel leaf chewing.
Said he, “I know not you both, i say sooth!!
Let me take you to the nearest police booth!!!”
Sirens echoed in the distance
As bundled up were they, amidst strong resistance.

Before a special jury, produced
Both to culprits were reduced.
Both had their lawyers on the ready
And began their trial, under Chief Judge K. R. Reddy.
Fought her case nicely, did Kitty’s lawyer
And reduced the other man to a voyeur
Who, frustrated of merely peeping through her door knob,
Her client’s chastity decided to rob!!
“…Stealing the keys from the security guy
He each key individually did try!!
And thus applied to his task was he found!!
And soon enough he was wrestling on the ground!!
For his perversion knew no limits-
With my client’s famed beauty does this tale doth fit!!
This man is undoubtedly a molester!!
And to boot, a thief and murderer sinister!!!
That’s all my Lord!!”, said she retiring,
And the molester guy’s lawyer at her did grin!
For he knew something that she did not!
It was information not at all cheaply bought!
The lawyer produced a document
Which beyond doubt proved the apartment
The guy’s was, and not of the woman!!!
For Kitty all of this was so sudden
That she had a massive head rush!!
And struck out, intending the guy’s skull to crush-
Only the order of the court
Managed to save the man and around him built a fort
Of five policemen-
All of them armed with a gun!!
Kitty’s lawyer, on Kitty’s behalf promptly begged concession,
For said she, “This is nothing but a crime of passion!!!”
The Judge, nodding, adjourned for coffee
As he was feeling terribly drowsy!!!

After a coffee break all returned
And Kitty’s lawyer glowed with the info she had learned!
Soon she produced documents
Which said the house was Kitty’s and her husband’s!!!
Both the papers were totally authentic-
Making the judge say, “What is this gimmick??
Do you all think this a joke??”
And as an aside to the bell boy, “Please get me a coke!!!”
The court was abuzz and all noisy
For both the lawyers were in the grip of poesy!!
And continuously ruffled each other’s feather!
The guy’s lawyer called upon a witness
But the judge cut him off and declared a recess.
Post recess, the court did commence
With Kitty’s son in the box of the witness!
Asked was he his relationship-
“Both are strangers”, said he with a tightened lip,
Cutting off the poor lawyer
Who consequently shot himself in the foyer!!
For never had been he slighted thus, indeed!!
As to be cut off by a 15yr old kid!!
The literally bloody lawyer was soon forgotten,
For having breached the fort, Kitty had gotten
Over to the guy’s side!
And had soon proceeded to tear his hide!
All thought the man nothing better than dead!!
As she vented out her fury, awashed in tears and blood!
She proceeded to cry out in a litany-
“I’m your mother!! Do you not know me?!!?”
The child looked away and searched the crowd!
And bellowed, a la Kitty fashion, aloud-
“Mom!! Come here, and tell this demented woman
That you are my mom, and I your son!!!”
Kitty was horrified to see
Walking towards her, her housekeeper Lily!!!
Stepping over the carcass of the man
She leaped towards Lily, like a hooligan!!
But stopped in time was she
By the dead lawyer who had returned as a Zombie!!
“Honour the court and law!!”, said he
Making Kitty howl like a banshee!!
Over-ruled for now, Kitty did digress
And allowed Lily to give witness!!

Said Lily, real loud- “All heed!!!
I’ll tell you all a fine tale indeed!!!
This man here and this banshee
Are man and wife in reality!!!”
What??” said Kitty, “Impossible!!!
The man could, in astonishment, only mumble!!!
Kitty’s lawyer from somewhere panting came
And pointing at Kitty said, “La belle dame!!!
You are indeed married to this man, see here!!!
The house belongs to both of you, dear!!!”
Lily hated the wavering crowd!!
And fighting for attention, cried out even more loud-
“Yes this demented lawyer says the truth
They both are married and this is their son to boot!!!”
Utter chaos descended upon the crowd!!
The judge, being too riveted, simply howled-
“This sounds interesting, please continue!!!
Tell me the tale of this dame who her husband did sue!!!”
Unravelled was the mystery soon!!
And introduced to the crowd was Mrs. and Mr.Rangoon!!

Apparently both were married about 16 yrs back!!-
The crowd had a mini heart attack!!
Refusing to believe, still, was Kitty!!
And Lily pointed out their matching surnames stiffly.
Kitty howled in grief, and said to the carcass-
“I almost murdered you- my own dear brother, alas!!!”-
For matching surnames for her
Meant not a husband but a brother!!!
Soon pointed out was the son
As the living proof of their blessed union!!
Kitty was forced to acknowledge the ex-carcass as her husband
But still the child refused to relent!!
Said he, still in a manner a la Kitty-
“I have just one mom and she’s Lily!!”
The carcass was mauled even more
But saved was he by being carried out the door!!
There he was made to resurrect,
By Mr. Zombie and his cult!
The child continued in a passionate way,
About how it was Lily who looked after him every day!
She was the one who always brought
All the birthday gifts he always sought!!
Crying, Kitty, leapt at the child!
Who promptly stepped aside as if defiled!!!
Kitty tearfully confessed,
“It was I who bought most of the gifts and the rest
Was bought by your papa whose panache
Was what had attracted me to him as well as his moustache!!!”
The resurrected carcass,Mr. Rangoon,
Walked in sans a moustache, soon.
Said he to the crowd, “She can’t be
The Kitty I had married surely,
Bespectacled face and fighting stance!”
Stood Kitty near the child, without any spectacles
And it was Lily who, angered beyond reason, picked them up by their necks!!
And shaking them thoroughly, took off-
“This guy his moustache has shaved off!
Like you exchanged your specs for your contacts!”
Faced with such irrefutable facts
Both paused a while and realised
That it was their own spouse infront of their eyes!!!

Their reunion was cute and touching
And the last word was left to the Zombie Lawyer/King-
“Engrossed in their work, Mr.Rangoon and Mrs. Kitty,
Totally forgot about home, hearth and family!!
Met hardly ever, they, their own kid!!
And forget each other’s faces even, they did!!!
Lily the housekeeper became the mother for the child!!
And poor Mr.Rangoon got treated like a voyeur, torn off was his hide!!
Not even talking to each other, so immersed in work!!
Living solely for their salary, bonuses and other perks!!
So all you people out there
Please do heed me and beware!!
Do not get caught up in the Rat Race
Stop a moment to match with the earth, your pace!!
Only when you slow down will you see
The earth in all her natural beauty!!!
Along with those who surround you-
Sayonara everyone, it’s time for me to go!!
To spread this message from Istanbul to Jericho!!

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