I was quite fascinated by the way life leads me. Beyond the unpredictable future there is always an answer to all your questions, and yet we seem to falter every step thinking are we making the right decision? Is this going the right way? Am i moving too fast? should i wait? Should I stand? Should i give up? Should I give in? (quote) “You’re fighting a war inside your head every single day. If that’t not exhausting.. I don’t know what is.”
All of these close ended questions seems to lead us just the way we were supposed to go. I often wondered if i’d ever go back to change the some things in my life.. I often thought certain things were misplaced in my life. I often considered it was so unfair that life moved so fast. But would it matter? would it still appeal to you to go back and change? .. As I matured in my own way, learning about life, walking along by picking up the pieces, I realized it’s not so bad after all and i don’t want to go back and re-arrange even an iota of my moments ’cause those were for a reason. A reason far much beyond your understanding and judgement. Yes, wen people say this too shall pass. It often means something, not that you’l just get over it, but you will overrule it slowly gradually, it forms a place in your life that surpasses your journey towards the unseen reality.
Yes, my very first post in this Blog might be too deep yet i wanted to start with something that would mean something. The idea behind me and Ange wanting to unravel our inner adrenaline to start anew was not just to create our own shelf but it had to be something with finesse, love, art, care. Ange and I love to write, together we needed to give life to some meaning words put together.
The meaning of life, the meaning of our journey, is to Be Real. How many of us actually try to Be Real, sit down and look around, not the passing crowd, not the vendors and the traffic, but look for us, the stages, the chapters in your book, the chapters that are clouded with dust, blow ’em and wipe off the webs, open up the pages – you’l find you crawling, walking, running, flying.. old age is not just the age to look back. Every time we hit a valley we can try and arrange these shabby corners in our hearts. The grudges, the bends, the pains, the love.. I often think about the time i was loved and hurt, wait we all do. Cause that’s something we can never wipe off the memory bank. things that drive us crazy are the things that form a memory block and fix in our heads. Crazy love, crazy laughter, crazy tears, crazy hearts, crazy fights, crazy fun. not just cause it means to us but cause we don;t want to lose them subconsciously. we try to rely on them, try to get answers, try to ponder on our then weakness while trying to give us strength now.
There is no right or wrong decisions in our lives. There is you making choices with time and circumstances. If we feel it worked out wrong then its just a something different from what we wanted to see. I often wondered if it all of this really mattered. IT does, yet we need to suffer enough to feel real.
It’s ok to feel right, it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to feel wrong, and it’s also ok to stay there for a while until we are ready to move on. But Kezia? what if again i’m not moving in the right direction? how will I know if this time it will be right? I wish universe had an answer for that. I have a friend we were discussing about what super powers we would have if we were super beings? I told him I want the power of invisibility. then he said i want the power of flying. Fair enough. well webs, force shield, etc etc are alright if we were to deal with dark forces, then what else? I said i wanted the power to see the future like Anne from Twilight, his reply amused me – he said whats the fun in that? if you’d know whats ahead of you, you’d just lead a normal life trying to fix it already, what you lead now is more fun. Damn! He’s right! The power not to see what’s out there, not to know, is something different we already possess. I wish everyone could tilt our plates and understand the depth of this weird thought, the unpredictable choice, making it more graceful, doubtful and anxiously sought. I know its a bit bizarre way to see life yet we are living with this force for quite sometime now, it’s better to come to a mutual understanding with it rather than to keep fighting it.
Let’s not be scared to hit a few more rock bottoms, let’s not be afraid to let go, hold on, give in, step up and not be afraid to fly. Let’s Be Afraid only when we fail to feel our emotions gushing out, be afraid when we stop to feel hurt, stop to feel pain, stop to feel numb to reality. That’s when we Stop and Check our lives. That’s when we fix and repair, cause we feel so worn out to feel just about anything and That My Friend is Not Right.
Until next time.